complete torture...
for the past weeks i've been having a blast. just hanging around with my friends and just enjoying school as boring as it is and just partying if possible(actually crashing at some anniversary party at manansala).
Everynight since my break-up with paolo, we've been communicating and refreshing our bond. it's so much fun. we're always together and we talk all night long, pero actually morning na talaga, over the phone (sayang sa load). sometimes we would be reading books and stay quiet for hours. basta i can hear him breathe, okay na sa kin...
the other day, i made this bet again with paolo that i won't go to agno(my second home) and not a smoke for the whole day. it's the same old bet we always do when we like to do something. i was telling him that i can live without smoking but i think i can't live without going to agno. i mean i want to see my "friend"...obviously paolo thinks the opposite. i smoke a lot and he thinks i can't live without yosi... and sama naman nun... to think that i'm an addict.
the whole began and fortunately i know myself. i didn't pull a single stag but i went to agno just to have a "little" chat with my "friend" - feels like heaven!
i won the bet. at first i was in it for the moeny. that i could do it and all. even my blokmates were wtopping me from smoking and going to agno for the money. but i just can't help to see my "friend" there and not talk to my "friend" - feels like heaven!
i even tried to lay-off cigarettes - one stick a day. after all, if i can live without yosi for the whole day, i can live with only one. and i wasn't even craving for it. and it worked for a whole week. people are actually telling me how good it was that i wasn't the type craving for it. at first, it was itchy and even got rashes for not smoking the whole day but it was fine afterwards.
unfortunately, something bad happened...
last saturday i went out with paolo. we crashed at this anniversary party at manansala and eventually had a great time. peopla are so plastic. they smile at us even if they don't know us. the way they look at you, it's like you are one of their people. basically, we just went crazy that night. we didn't have a drink and something to be proud of... and just ate a lot of sushi(yummmmmmmy)...
he brought me home and went home agad... he called me up at my cell and called me sa landline. even if was so tired and i had to wake up early in the morning for the walking in greenhills with my folks, i answered the phone and talked to him. we were laughing all morning with the stuff we did and the people we saw... and i really thank god i don't know anyone there... and i realize there are still a 16 bazillion and one peeps out there that i haven't met.. well they're missing half of their lives already because they haven't met me... yet! (ang lakas ng electric fan noh?!:D)
we were laughing and laughing... when paolo just popped the question in my face...
kat, can i keep you?
i didn't know what to do... i couldn't make up some answer... it was spur of the moment and i wasn't ready... so i hanged up on him and just turned off my cellular and went to bed.
it's all torture...
i couldn't believe i have hanged up on him... it will give him basially the right to assume that i still love him(and i having second thoughts of "i'm still in love with him"- i think i am),and that is basically the reason why i couldn't answer and i hanged up the phone. it was very stupid of me. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
and this event made me smoke like hell again. for the past two days, i have smoked 4 packs already and i want to get drunk...
but my smoking is bad enough already i don't want to be called an alcoholic even if i'm almost one. when people call me alcoholic... it hurts kasi and sama pakinggan. for a girl my age, i should be worrying about my studies lang and stuff like that... pero to be called "lasheng"... terrible feeling inside me... pero siyempre i just laugh with them because i know they're just joking about it... pero what an i say... "jokes are half meant"
grabe... it's been torturing me... he asked me 13 days before he leaves me here... i mean it just hurts me that he has to leave sooner...
i told a friend, reden, the story and he told that i was stupid... that i should have been prepared that he would be poppoing the question sooner or later i would be haunted of the question... and anytime he pops the question, i should answer him what i have said to him before. but i think i can't tell him what i have said before. account to what i was feeling... i'm all confused and wasted...
pano naman kasi sobrang laughtrip nung pinag-uusapan namin, then he just blurted out the question to me without a pause...
"kat, can i keep you?" - this was the same old line he asked me when i said yes to him. and the same line that made me fall in love with him the second and third time around. kahit sobrang gasgas na... okay lang sa kin... isa w the sincerity in his eyes... ewan ko ba... pero kahit hindi niya sabihin... nafeel ko...
you will say the eyes can deceive a person... pero it was felt by all the senses(even my sixth sense felt it).. especially the touch.
torture....
Everynight since my break-up with paolo, we've been communicating and refreshing our bond. it's so much fun. we're always together and we talk all night long, pero actually morning na talaga, over the phone (sayang sa load). sometimes we would be reading books and stay quiet for hours. basta i can hear him breathe, okay na sa kin...
the other day, i made this bet again with paolo that i won't go to agno(my second home) and not a smoke for the whole day. it's the same old bet we always do when we like to do something. i was telling him that i can live without smoking but i think i can't live without going to agno. i mean i want to see my "friend"...obviously paolo thinks the opposite. i smoke a lot and he thinks i can't live without yosi... and sama naman nun... to think that i'm an addict.
the whole began and fortunately i know myself. i didn't pull a single stag but i went to agno just to have a "little" chat with my "friend" - feels like heaven!
i won the bet. at first i was in it for the moeny. that i could do it and all. even my blokmates were wtopping me from smoking and going to agno for the money. but i just can't help to see my "friend" there and not talk to my "friend" - feels like heaven!
i even tried to lay-off cigarettes - one stick a day. after all, if i can live without yosi for the whole day, i can live with only one. and i wasn't even craving for it. and it worked for a whole week. people are actually telling me how good it was that i wasn't the type craving for it. at first, it was itchy and even got rashes for not smoking the whole day but it was fine afterwards.
unfortunately, something bad happened...
last saturday i went out with paolo. we crashed at this anniversary party at manansala and eventually had a great time. peopla are so plastic. they smile at us even if they don't know us. the way they look at you, it's like you are one of their people. basically, we just went crazy that night. we didn't have a drink and something to be proud of... and just ate a lot of sushi(yummmmmmmy)...
he brought me home and went home agad... he called me up at my cell and called me sa landline. even if was so tired and i had to wake up early in the morning for the walking in greenhills with my folks, i answered the phone and talked to him. we were laughing all morning with the stuff we did and the people we saw... and i really thank god i don't know anyone there... and i realize there are still a 16 bazillion and one peeps out there that i haven't met.. well they're missing half of their lives already because they haven't met me... yet! (ang lakas ng electric fan noh?!:D)
we were laughing and laughing... when paolo just popped the question in my face...
kat, can i keep you?
i didn't know what to do... i couldn't make up some answer... it was spur of the moment and i wasn't ready... so i hanged up on him and just turned off my cellular and went to bed.
it's all torture...
i couldn't believe i have hanged up on him... it will give him basially the right to assume that i still love him(and i having second thoughts of "i'm still in love with him"- i think i am),and that is basically the reason why i couldn't answer and i hanged up the phone. it was very stupid of me. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
and this event made me smoke like hell again. for the past two days, i have smoked 4 packs already and i want to get drunk...
but my smoking is bad enough already i don't want to be called an alcoholic even if i'm almost one. when people call me alcoholic... it hurts kasi and sama pakinggan. for a girl my age, i should be worrying about my studies lang and stuff like that... pero to be called "lasheng"... terrible feeling inside me... pero siyempre i just laugh with them because i know they're just joking about it... pero what an i say... "jokes are half meant"
grabe... it's been torturing me... he asked me 13 days before he leaves me here... i mean it just hurts me that he has to leave sooner...
i told a friend, reden, the story and he told that i was stupid... that i should have been prepared that he would be poppoing the question sooner or later i would be haunted of the question... and anytime he pops the question, i should answer him what i have said to him before. but i think i can't tell him what i have said before. account to what i was feeling... i'm all confused and wasted...
pano naman kasi sobrang laughtrip nung pinag-uusapan namin, then he just blurted out the question to me without a pause...
"kat, can i keep you?" - this was the same old line he asked me when i said yes to him. and the same line that made me fall in love with him the second and third time around. kahit sobrang gasgas na... okay lang sa kin... isa w the sincerity in his eyes... ewan ko ba... pero kahit hindi niya sabihin... nafeel ko...
you will say the eyes can deceive a person... pero it was felt by all the senses(even my sixth sense felt it).. especially the touch.
torture....
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